Justins Journal
by Nicjea
Summary: When Justin starts to keep a journal will Brian be able to keep out of it? This is my first fanfic i've ever written I'm a horrible writer but I try Please R
1. Default Chapter

Justin woke to the sunlight shining on his face through the bedroom window of the loft he turned to see Brian sleeping peacefully next to him. Justin thought how beautiful looked sleeping although it's Brian he looks beautiful anytime but I loved to watch him sleep it was very soothing to see him looking so sweet and innocent. Innocent not really a word you would use to describe Brian Kinney but that's what I thought when I watched him sleeping. He must have felt me staring at him because he started to stir, he turned to me while rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Your not drawing me are you?" Brian asked while yawning  
  
Justin giggled "No not this this time I was just admiring you"  
  
"Well I can't blame you there" Brian said with confidence.  
  
Brian rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I hear the shower running so he must be up for the day maybe he'll want to go get some breakfast at the diner. I should write in my journal before he get's out I can only hear him if he knew I kept a journal "You are such a Princess"  
  
{It's so good to hear the shower running and to be able to go eat breakfast at the diner Hell it's good just to be able to eat breakfast at all  
  
You never know how precious the little things are untill you almost lose them. It's been two months since the bashing and i'm doing better my hand is slowley recovering and school is getting easier and best of all I'm here at the loft with Brian and we are doing GREAT well as great as you can be with Brian Kinney but I have no complaints I'm just glad to be here. I'm thankful for everything that I have and I'm espically thankful for Brian without him none of this would be possible. Well the shower just turned off so I'm gonna go jump in there and I'll update soon.}  
  
Justin stuffs his Journal back into his backpack and goes into the bathroom. Brian was just getting out.  
  
"You could of joined me ya know"   
  
" I know I just wanted to do some touch up's on a sketch before my class this afternoon" Justin lied but it wasn't a lie that could hurt anybody.  
  
"Well you wanna go grab a bite to eat before I go into the office?" Brian asked while rubbing his head with the towel to dry his hair.  
  
"Sure just give fifteen minutes"  
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
Thirty minutes later they were sitting at the diner with the guys  
  
Justin was eating his pancakes listening to Michael bitch about his job at the Big Q and how his boss is always on his case I don't know why he doesn't just quit that job and do something else, something that will make him happy.  
  
Brian was sipping on his coffee and reading his news paper as usual and Emmett and Ted were talking about Blake. Ted was still depressed over Blake running out of the Rehab Center and never contacting him. It's been two months but he's still heart broken Poor Ted hopefully one day soon he will find true love and be totally happy.  
  
"Well boy's I'm off to work Don't miss me too much" Brian smirked while sliding out of the booth.  
  
"Bye" the gang said in unison  
  
"Justin you need a ride?"   
  
"No I don't have class untill one so I'm gonna meat up with Daphne here in a little while and we are gonna go to the mall"  
  
"Well you girls have fun, I'll see ya tonight" Brian said and bent down and gave Justin a kiss on the top of his head  
  
"Later"  
  
"Later  
  
"I'm outta here too guys before my boss has my ass again" Michael whined  
  
"Like that would be so bad" Ted joked "I'm going to I'm off to crunch numbers for the next eight hours"  
  
"Me too I need to sell fabulous clothes to hideous people" Emmett said with his head cocked to the side and a big grin on his face  
  
"Bye Sweetie you and Daphne have lot's of fun"  
  
"Bye Emmett"  
  
Justin finished his pancakes and gathered his stuff waved goodbye to Debbie on the way out and went to meet Daphne at the Mall.  
  
**************************************************************************************  
  
"So how are things going at home with Brian?" Daphne asked while searching through a rack of shirts.  
  
"Things are great they have never been better"   
  
"Well that's good to hear I just hope it stays that way"  
  
"And why wouldn't it?" Justin was beginning to get annoyed  
  
"Well it is Brian we are talking about and you know how he can just change his mind" Daphne never looked up from the rack of clothes she was searching through she just kept going on reminding Justin of how many times Brian has disappointed him.  
  
It was different this time though Justin knew it but the more he listened to Daphne the more he began to wonder if maybe his happiness wouldn't last.  
  
***************************************************************************************  
  
Justin went to his afternoon class but he was very preoccupied he could not get what Daphne had said to him out of his mind ever since he moved back into the loft after the bashing things have been great between him and Brian. No fighting at all they wake up together shower together ,go to bed together. But what if Daphne is right what if one day it just all changes.  
  
Justin Slides the loft door open "Brian I'm home" The loft is silent. The bedroom and bathroom are empty Brian must of went out to the clubs all ready. He could of waited for me to see if I wanted to go.   
  
Justin thought. Since I have the loft to myself I can take a quick shower and write in my journal and do a sketch. There had been a vision that has been stuck in his head all day that he wanted to draw. When him and Daphne were at the mall he seen a Father and His daughter at a fountain in front of J.C Penney's and the father was standing behind his daughter and she was throwing pennies into the fountain.  
  
After his shower Justin sits down at the desk and pulls out his journal.  
  
As he was writing his thoughts about his earlier discussion with Daphne he failed to hear the loft door open. The next thing he knew he felt someone standing behind him and before he could turn around the said  
  
"What are you writing?"  
  
"Nothing I was just fooling around with some school stuff" Justin explained while closing his journal and trying to put it in his backpack but Brian grabbed his wrist.  
  
"Let me read it" Brian was buzzed not totally drunk but he was buzzin pretty good.  
  
"No it's nothing important, come on let's go to bed"  
  
"No I want to read it" Brian snapped and he snatched it out of Justin's hand.  
  
Brian was just about to open it and.......  
  
"BRIAN NOOOOOOOO DON'T OPEN THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Whoa Justin what's your problem with me seeing your school work you've never had a problem with me looking before"  
  
"This is just personal,and I'd just like to keep it to myself"Justin said trying to get Brian to give him his journal back. He didn't feel like hearing Brian rag on him for keeping a journal.  
  
"Justin are you keeping secrets from me now?" Brian said with sarcasm  
  
Justin could tell Brian was not gonna let this go so he decided to just go with the truth and deal with the teasing.  
  
"Fine,it's my journal OK?" Justin sat down on the kitchen stool and waited for what he thought would be the worst torture ever.  
  
"What?,since when do you keep a journal?" Brian asked sounding oddly concerned.  
  
Justin suprised that the teasing has not yet started answered softly "ever since the bashing, my doctor thought it would be a good idea for me to write down my thoughts and feeling he said it would be a way to express my feelings."  
  
"Hmmmmmm, well is there anything about me in here?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I'm sorry do you not understand English?"  
  
"You mean your not gonna tease me?"  
  
"Why would I tease you?"  
  
"Because your Brian and you think expressing your feelings is about the stupidest thing a person can do."  
  
"Give me a little bit of credit will ya, just because I don't tell my inner most thoughts to everyone or write them down in a book doesn't mean that it's wrong for anyone else to do it, If your doctor suggested it then I'm sure it's a good thing to do. Is it helping you at all?"  
  
"Actually I kinda enjoy it, it's soothing it feels good to just get lost in my thoughts"  
  
"Well good I'm glad it's helping you"  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Not giving me a hard time about it"  
  
" I may be a asshole sometimes..........  
  
"Sometimes?"  
  
"Excuse me I wasn't finished"  
  
"Sorry"  
  
"But I wouldn't judge you for doing something that you enjoy and anything that can help you recover I'm all for"  
  
"Thanks Bri"  
  
Justin stood up and gave Brian a soft kiss on the lips. Brian returned the kiss and began to kiss Justin's neck and slid his shirt over his head.  
  
"You ready for bed" Brian asked.  
  
"Yea I'm ready just let me put my books away and I'll meet you in there"  
  
Justin began packing his books into his backpack he was so relieved that Brian knew about his journal and everything was out in the open. No more secrets. 


	2. Justin's Journal Chapter 2

Dear Diary  
  
It has been almost three months since the bashing and I've been back in school for almost three weeks.   
  
I've had a few episodes where my hand tires and trembles and I need to take breaks. Ok so more than a few  
  
I've had alot of them. They've actually gotten so bad that my dean called me into his office today and Asked   
  
me how I was doing. I told him that I'm doing fine. He asked about my hand, I told him I was doing fine and   
  
sometimes my hand did get a little tired but I could work it out that it was no big deal. He told me how some   
  
of my teachers came to him and told him how I was working to slow in class and not getting assignments   
  
done on time. The longer I sat there and listened to him the madder I got. I ended up stoming out of his   
  
office and slamming the door. I'm not going back there. My hand is ruined and I'll never be able to draw  
  
again I'm just gonna have to deal with that and the quicker I realize it the quicker I can move on. Chris Hobbs  
  
has ruined my life. That's all for now I'm off to Babylon to meet Brian I can really use a drink after the day  
  
I've had.  
  
*****************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
As Brian walks in to Babylon he searches for the guy's. As he's walking up to the bar he hear's someone calling   
  
his name.  
  
"Brian"  
  
He looks around to see Michael coming towards him.  
  
"Hey Mikey"  
  
"Hey did something happen between you and Justin?"  
  
"No Why?"  
  
"He's was here when we got here and he's totally smashed,we tried talking to him but he's not talking , he keeps  
  
saying he's fine but he's acting weird." explains Michael  
  
"Maybe he's just havin a good time Mikey, I wouldnt worry about it." Brian says but he really is worried it's not   
  
like Justin to get so drunk so fast it's still early and it's a school night.  
  
Brian walks up to the bar orders a drink and looks around for Justin he see's him on the dance floor with some   
  
hot brunette. He watches them for about 10 minutes he gets another drink but when he turns around they are gone.  
  
"Where did Justin go?" asked Emmett "I'm really worried about him he's not acting right"  
  
"Stop being such a drama queen, He's a big boy he can take care of his self."  
  
Emmett snaps back " You stop acting like the cold hearted asshole that you are and admit that you KNOW there  
  
is something wrong with him."  
  
"Brian admit he cares? The world would come to an end" Ted smirks  
  
"Why don't you all just mind your own business?" Brian storms off into the back room  
  
After wandering through the backroom he eventually realized that Justin had left he was not back here.  
  
"Where the hell did he go"  
  
*************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I went out lastnight and got totally smashed and went home with some guy,I know it's not normally something  
  
I would do but who cares I am not the same person I was. Chris Hobbs took my life away when he left me laying  
  
there to die, I might as well have.  
  
I seen Brian watching me while I was dancing with that guy and I know he seen me leave with him. I wonder   
  
what he was thinking? He probably wasnt thinking about me at all. He probably found his own trick and had his  
  
own fun. He was asleep when I got home lastnight and he's still sleeping. The guys were on me last night to tell  
  
them what was wrong but it's not worth talking about nobody would understand, nobody knows what it's like to   
  
have your future taken away from you. So for now nobody needs to know what happened with school. I don't  
  
feel like hearing all their preaching. Well I'm off to take a shower and go to work.  
  
******************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Justin takes his journal and put's it away somewhere safe Just because Brian knows about it doesnt mean I want  
  
him reading it and it would be just like him to read it.  
  
I wonder why he's not awake yet he's usually up by now. Maybe I should wake him up he must of had a rough   
  
night.  
  
"Brian,Brian Wake Up" Justin pokes at Brian  
  
Brian starts to stirs and rolls over.  
  
"BRIAN GET UP, your gonna be late for work"  
  
"I don't have to go in today" Brian mumbles  
  
"Why not?"   
  
"Because I leave tonight for my conference in Cleveland"  
  
"That's right I totally forgot"   
  
I hear him mumble something "What did you say?"  
  
Brian stands up "I said I'm not suprised"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Nothing, don't you have to work this morning?" Brian walked into the bathroom  
  
I wonder what his problem is Oh well I don't have time to worry about it.  
  
********************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
My shift at the diner was going so slow and I was ready to leave before I even started. About two hours till the  
  
end of my shift I was cleaning the counter when I heard the door buzzer go off. I looked up just as Brian was  
  
walking in the door. He of course looked as good as ever in his dark grey suit. But why was he dressed for work  
  
when he didnt have to go into the office today?  
  
I heard Debbie yell say Hi to Brian and she went over to take his order. Why is he sitting in thr corner booth if   
  
he's by himself? He's acting very strange even this morning he was very different. I decided I give him a few   
  
minutes to read his paper before I attempted to go over and talk to him,but before I could even get back into the  
  
kitchen he was calling me over to him. As I was walking over to him I seen he had a cold look on his face.  
  
"Hey, What's Up" I said as I sat down across from him.  
  
" How are you feeling this morning?" He said with sarcasim.  
  
"I'm fine how are you?" He didnt answer or even look up from his paper. I couldnt resist any longer I had to ask  
  
"Is there something wrong?" I asked frightened by the answer everyone knows if Brian's mad to let go and leave  
  
him alone. But I didnt want him going out of town with us on bad terms. "Fine" was all I got out of him without   
  
even a glance my way. So I decided to quickly change the subject "What time does your flight leave?" I asked   
  
hoping to get him to at least notice I was there. He was the one who called me over to him. So he must of wanted  
  
to talk to me.  
  
"4:15" he said .  
  
"When will you be back?"   
  
"Tommorow night at 6:35"   
  
" Do you need me to take you to the airport?"  
  
"No"  
  
At this point I'm really starting to get annoyed he called me over here and now he's blowing me off. Finally as I'm  
  
getting up I say "Have a nice trip" I return back to the counter and I guess Debbie could read my face because  
  
she just gave me a pat on the back that said " I know sunshine I know" I smiled slightly at her and conitnued with  
  
my work. I noitce about 20 minutes later that Brian's booth was empty he had left. I don't know what his problem  
  
is the today, I didnt do anything,unless he's upset about that guy I went home with lastnight but that's just not  
  
Brian he doesnt care what I do or Who I do so what would make him care now?  
  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Dear Diary  
  
I'm on my way homr from my shift at the diner and I decided to stop and get a cup of coffee and   
  
write in here so there atr no distractions. Brian's probably at the airport already his flight leaves in an hour. When   
  
he woke up this morning he was really short and cocky with me. Then this afternoon he came into the diner for  
  
lunch I decided to give him a few minutes to relax but he ended up calling me over to him and when I went to  
  
talk to him he blew me off he acted as if I was bothering him. I don't know what his problem is there is no way   
  
that he is mad because I went home with some guy,that is not Brian at all that would show that he cares and   
  
that would blow his whole heartless cover. So what is it? What is bothering him? I guess I can just add it to the  
  
list of "Things that go wrong in Justin's Life" I should write a book. I can't help but think how I'm supposed to be  
  
in school right now and instead I'm sitting here in a coffee shop in the middle of the afternoon. My life is a total   
  
mess and to tell you the truth I'm beginning not to care anymore.  
  
******************************************************************************************************************************************  
  
I walk in the loft about 3:45 I close the door and go into the bedroom to put my things away when I walk back   
  
into the living room I nearly fainted when I seen Brian standing in front of me.  
  
"Brian you scared me to death" I said as I tried to catch my breath  
  
"What are you doing here " I ask as I walk into the kitchen to get a drink  
  
" The question is what are you doing here don't you have a 3'oclock class this afternoon?" He asked as he   
  
followed me into the kitchen.  
  
I grab a water out of the fridge and take a drink " I skipped it today"  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because I didnt feel like going,Geez.....What's with the interrogation Bri?"  
  
" I just find it odd that you would skip a class only 3 weeks into your first semester?"  
  
Ok this is really getting old he needs to leave it alone. " I don't know what to tell ya I just didnt want to go"  
  
"Well then maybe you can tell me about this?" I look up and see the small piece of paper in his hand and I  
  
nearly spit out my water. "Shit" 


End file.
